The Papi Dilemma.
With my favorite holiday around the corner, I want to begin with a short story. Once upon a time, I was sadly apart of a small scandal in which I hooked up with a guy who had a girlfriend. Although it was a piece of shit move, my not so piece of shit conscience told me I needed to make it right. So, I told the girlfriend and cleansed my soul in a holy bath for seven straight days. After I told her, she then confronted this boy of hers and he attempted to deny the entire thing, like all of the greats that came before him. He said I was obsessed with him, jealous of their relationship, and was trying to break them up because I had "daddy issues". Father obstacles. A "papi dilemma", if you will. Now, I'm gonna go ahead and just pause that story right there.
Exactly what the fuck are daddy issues? Urban dictionary defines Daddy Issues as such:
So after reading this definition , it is to my understanding that in order to have proper daddy issues, you must have had a father abandon you at some point in time. I literally lol'd because
a. My "dad" whom I have never met and probably never will, was most likely a guy in college who needed some quick cash and decided jizzing into a cup and sending that jizz off to a sperm bank was the easiest answer,
b. My "father", never rejected me. My father never actually had an opportunity to properly reject me. My father has not yet had an opportunity to waltz into my life to then leave with a 25 year old stripper named Charity.
c. I sadly have never been into older men and for some reason seem to have some fixation on becoming an almighty cougar commander, because I tend to go for guys younger than myself (which has been everything but successful, I might add).
So after looking at all the #fax, I decided that the validity of my "papi dilemma" was complete bullshit. It doesn't exist. And while I sat and thought about it for 2 seconds, it was very clear that this kid was scrambling to make up any excuse he could to get the blame off of himself, which failed him ever so greatly when he finally admitted to everything.
The concept of daddy issues has always been interesting to me. I am totally aware that it is a real thing and that some people truly struggle because of father abandonment, and it's so sad. But I also don't think it is fair to label all girls who don't have a dad and who make some kind of relationship mistake, with daddy issues.
Growing up, it was just my mom and I. She took on the role of both mom and dad and then some more. My mom taught me how to be an independent woman long before Destiny's Child did (my condolences to Beyonce, Kelly, and Michelle). Watching my mom be such a bad ass my whole life, I just genuinely assumed that was how all woman were: fearless, outspoken, and ballsy. So to me, I never thought that having just one parent would someday lead to another person telling me I had an "issue" because of it.
I cannot imagine having a parent desert you like that. It would be heartbreaking. But I know that personally I cannot relate. I had, and still have, one strong and secure and beautiful parent who proved I never needed a dad in the first place. And having this role model also made me so confident in who I am as well. And I know I'm not a bitch with a papi dilemma.
Labeling people, even if it's just used as a tool to get your girl off your back about cheating, isn't cool. Usually 99.9% of the time, the people we label like that we actually don't know that much about. Like truly, truly know. We just assume from what we see and then say what we think it is like we are some fucking doctors diagnosing the shit out of each other. And also, 99.9% of the time when someone says he's cheating on you, he's cheating on you.
I might have a lot of issues, but a daddy ain't one.