The art of stalking has taken off significantly since the rise of social media. Now instead of the casual drive by his house in 10 different cars in 2 hours, you are able to hop on your computer or smart phone and do all the work from there. This new form of stalking, involves several hours of “creeping”--stalking’s new, hip little sister.
For the sake of this post, we are going to refer to creeping as an art form. In my opinion, it truly takes some talent to go from Instagram stalking Stacy and somehow ending up all the way to Stacy’s best-friend's-cousin’s-lover who she met on study abroad.
Now, most people assume that a girls favorite form of creeping is on a hot guy that they found in class and need to figure out if they have a girlfriend or not. Although this is one form of the art, it is not the most prized. The most intense, thrilling, and time consuming type of creeping is the “girl on girl lurk”.
This does not mean you are creeping in a lesbian way (but if you are, right on). For the most part, the girl on girl lurk is done in an act of semi-jealousy.
Short and simple, the most common type of girl on girl lurk, is creeping on an old guy’s new biatch, or a new guys old biatch. Nowadays, almost everyone either has an Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook, making it extremely easy to find out every single thing about them. You can literally know two minor details about the girl and instantly become the next stalker on Dateline NBC.
How it usually happens:
Creep phase #1: This phase involves figuring out exactly who this girl is. You don’t want to end up stalking Jenny from the trailer park when it turns out you were actually looking for Jenny from the country club (which it turns out is a definite lose/lose situation for you).
Creep phase #2: You now know who this girl is, and are almost ready to begin. Most of the time, in creep session #2, you grab some of your bffs along for the ride. Surprisingly, 9/10 times they are even more into it than you and want to be your biggest creep supporter.
Creep phase #3: Your bff is over and you are now both ready to begin creeping very, very hardcore. She whips out her iphone 5s as you just sit back, relax, and get ready for the show to begin.
Creep phase #4: This is by far my favorite part of creeping. You and your friend have now stalked this girl's Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and possibly even went as so far to google this character. But, the best part about creeping is no matter what, your friends are going to make you feel so much better by the end of it.
This girl could legitimately be the nicest person ever and your friend would say “She looks like a sassy bitch.”
This girl could be the coolest, most down to earth chick on the planet and your friend would say “I feel like she’s a fucking weirdo. She’s looks like the kind of girl who would cut a hole in the condom to make sure she gets prego and can never get detached from the guy.”
This girl could literally look like Megan Fox and your friend would say, “She looks like a penis bird who was birthed by a troll. I don’t even know what that means but her nose actually looks like a dick, she’s has a twinkle in her eye that says ‘i may or may not have eaten my twin in the womb’ , and she could be mistaken for a bag of cottage cheese if spotted at the grocery store’.”
Creep phase #5: You are finished creeping. You've done your fair share of lurking and now you are over it, made up your own back story behind this person, and maybe even know what her dad's favorite movie is.
The things you think and say while creeping are probably 99% not true, but your friends are your friends and if you are trying to get over an ex of 2 years who broke your heart, they are going to be there for you and say what they need to to make you laugh and get over your dumb ass.
To be super clear, yeah, you might stalk an ex’s new girlfriend, but you might also stalk the girlfriend of a guy you hooked up with two times in high school just for the fuck of it. Creeping is done so often and most often just out of pure curiosity and nothing more.
All the different types of social media and things we have access to these days give us the opportunity to basically find out any information on anyone (unless you are a hobbit and live under a rock).
Yes, this is insanely creepy (hence the name “creeping”). But, it is something that at one point or another we have all done (yes boys, you are also included). No matter how much we do not want to admit it, we all care just a little bit. Whether it’s caring about the next girl your ex gets with (or maybe guy if he chooses to spin that way after you), or just simply caring for yourself and needing a little extra reassurance, we have all been there.
It is our natural instinct as humans to be curious, even if we end up getting a little too curious at times. At the end of the day, there is a little secret agent in all of us. We will look for you, we will find you, and we will creep on you.