How I Sleep at Night
Fun fact: I have been single for 23 years. Another fun fact: I was born 23 years ago. So if you can do the math, I have lived a very, very single life.
For some reason, people are always shocked when I tell them I have never been in a relationship. I'm not sure why because my personality is mediocre and I'm almost a 6 on a good day, but for some reason it seems to leave a lot of people slightly shook. It is mostly shocking to people because I speak as if I have been in a relationship. I am always the one giving relationship advice, serving it out like I have been married and divorced 30 times.
When people find out that I have never been in a relationship there are typically two key questions that follow:
1. Why not?
2. Well do you want to be in one?
Let me answer those questions as I hope most single girls would. 1. Why not? Because I haven't met someone that I could see myself with yet. Sure I have dated around and some of those guys have been absolutely wonderful. But at the end of the day they were always lacking in a few areas of things that I would need from someone to be in a happy, stable relationship.
The second question is a little bit more complicated. 2. Well do you want to be in one? Of course I think about what it would be like to be in a relationship. Of course I think about what it would be like to do cute little couple's things. Of course I think about being someone's everything and all of the romance that goes along with that. Of course I think about daddy spoiling me with dinner at my favorite restaurant, followed by court-side Laker's tix, and then going home and having sex without a condom on. Of course I think about those things.
But the thing about this question that makes it a little more complicated for me is that I also have crippling anxiety about every little thing that can go wrong when you are dating/ in a relationship and lead to eventual heartbreak. I have advice to give because of all the good and bad relationships my friends have been through, which has in turn made me very confident in knowing exactly what I want. What it boils down to is that being single allows me to sleep at night.
I sleep at night knowing no one is wasting my time.
I sleep at night knowing I am not getting cheated on.
I sleep at night not waiting for a text/call back.
I sleep at night knowing I'm not one of several girls that the guy I think I'm exclusively talking to may or may not be hooking up with other girls.
I sleep at night knowing my boyfriend isn't DM'ing locals to come over when I'm not around.
I sleep at night knowing that I'm not being micro cheated on (whatever the fuck that means).
And most importantly, I sleep at night with several blankets and pillows all to myself.
On a real note, I can go to bed smiling because I am confident with myself, and because I know exactly who I am.
I wake up smiling because I am independent and don't need to count on anyone else, or rely on someone to get me through my day. I think it's really crazy when people can jump from relationship to relationship, without taking time for themselves. You'll never get to know yourself if you are constantly giving yourself away. It's such a beautiful feeling to know that you don't need to depend on other people.
And I know that might sound really cynical, but come on. It's 2018. It's the year of the woman, and also the year of the dog. To make it simple: it's the year of the bitches. And bitches need their beauty sleep.
I know that someday Michael B. Jordan will come and sweep me off my feet, but right now Donal Trump is President, so I have enough things to worry about.