I have a poster in my room of a girl sitting on the ground and a guy coming up to her with a little bong and it says "Let's get naked and smoke." I always look at the poster and smile because it is such an uncomplicated, beautiful message, but the other day I started to really look at it. My mind immediately wandered and pretty soon I was overthinking, but what's new.
The situations I had come up with in my head were endless. Were the guy and the girl dating? Were they just homies living in a hippie commune trying to casually get naked and hit the bong together? Were they married, but the marriage had actually been a little rough so he thought suggesting getting naked and lit might spark something? I really had no idea.
But then it hit me. It was actually so simple. He was being straight up. No games, no beating around the bush, no confusion. He was being straightforward and communicating: a concept.
You would think the notion of being a good communicator would be as self-explanatory as a one-night stand, but for some people it isn’t. Over the past few years it has really hit me how hard it seems to be for people to communicate clearly.
Let me give you an example. Recently one of my friends went to a party with this guy, let’s call him “Tony”. She said the night was so much fun and that they hit it off and had a great time. Tony would do things like kiss her, hold her hand, tell her how easy she was to talk to, etc. Tony also went so far as to make future plans and say how badly he wanted to take her on a real date and just get to know her. Tony truly seemed like the whole package.
Well let me tell you something, Tony is the fakest bitch to ever live. Why? Because after this wonderful night of Tony acting like he was the cool, bad-boy turned tender-angel who becomes obsessed with the nice girl from a Nicholas Spark’s novel, he was never heard again. The frustration is not only that Tony proceeded to ghost, but that he was the one who made every single move that night. HE kissed her, HE made future plans, HE took the initiative on everything.
It is hard to jump the gun and say Tony is a downright fuckboy, even though he was drinking a Four Loko. It hadn’t even gotten that far. It was literally one hangout. But, it was Tony’s communication skills that failed him ever so greatly. Our generation has this problem of telling people what they want to hear. But let me just say something, that needs to fucking stop!!!! Communication only works when you are clear and direct, not when you just come out of pocket vomiting some bullshit you think they want to hear.
What is the point of telling someone something that you don’t mean? Instead of making empty promises, Tony could have easily kept his dirty little mouth shut. He didn’t need to say anything at all. They could have had a great night without Tony planting these false ideas in my friend's head. The sad part is, Tony is just one of many who see communication as this giant dilemma.
The amount of times a guy has told me how great I was only to fall off the earth right after could be too many to count at this point. You can tell me all you want how amazing I am and how great of a connection we have, but what good does that do for anyone if you don’t actually mean it? I am all about being straightforward and communicating so when that doesn’t happen, I feel like the only thing left to do is explode and shave all my hair off, and then suddenly I am 2007 Britney Spears.
Like most girls, I am a sucker for the pain. The pain of putting myself into situations that I know aren’t going to do anything but disappoint me and piss me off. This lack of communication is the source of the pain. It took me a long time to figure that out, but once I was introduced to someone who was actually a good communicator, it finally hit me that that was the root of the issue.
You want to get to know me? Do that. You want to hook up once and be done? That’s cool too. You want to be friends with benefits? Say that. You don’t give a shit when I show you videos of my cat licking her asshole? Don’t tell me because I’m going to show you anyways. The point is, communicate. Say how you feel about the situation. Maybe we have even hung out a few times and you realize you just aren’t feeling it. I know these days the easiest thing to do is not respond to texts and delete people off of social media, but I know from personal experience that I would so much rather someone be honest with me even if it hurts my feelings for a second, because then I know. Then I at least have that peace of mind.
At the end of the day, it just seems like communication has become a chore. It’s something that needs to be done and for some reason no one wants to do it. Like come on, I know you can see that the trash is full, so take the damn thing out. You can pretend it’s going to do it itself, but unless you are on some Harry Potter shit, it’s not. Trust me, we all wish our parents would pay us $20 to do it, but you’re too old and your parents stopped giving you money 2 years ago after they found out you were blowing it all on Four Loko’s. So don’t be like Tony. Communicate.