This morning I woke up a bit under the weather. Probably because I am about to start my period, but also the fact that I realized I am constantly surrounding myself with “fuck boys”. Now, I know that term is actually the most annoying term to hit the earth since Chanel West Coast’s laugh, but in this case it is just the truth.
Urban Dictionary defines a fuck boy as:
Over the past 4 years, I have noticed myself constantly “falling” for these types of guys. (falling being the loosest term ever because I think I just convince myself I like them based on the games that they play). And let me tell you, it is ALL about the game. It is the essential key to a fuck boy.
There are several stages to this type of male and the process of falling for one:
Stage 1: Meeting. You guys instantly click. You are shocked at how cool he is, how he makes you laugh, and how he treats you like you have been friends since ‘nam. You notice that he sometimes utters some douchey comments here and there, but you just laugh anyways.
Stage 2: Do I make you horny, baby? Yes, unfortunately you begin to ask yourself questions such as: what if we hooked up?, would he be good in bed?, would it be awkward after the fact? These are questions that we naturally ask ourselves just out of pure curiosity. To be clear, you do not start feeling this way out of nowhere. He starts to get a little flirty at times, making you feel some type of way. But of course at this point you aren’t sure and you aren’t going to do shit about it.
Stage 3: The deed. The inevitable hook up has happened. You are now confused out of your damn mind and don’t know how you should be feeling about the entire thing. Whether you were drunk or sober you are coming up with a million different reasons why it was a mistake and only a one time thing. You think about your friendship and how you don’t want to ruin that, and most importantly how involving yourself with this guy can end with you eating a whole tub of Ben & Jerry’s and endless wine nights.
Stage 4: Doing sex, and lots of it. This is the point of no return. You are now hooking up and hanging out religiously, but jokes on you because you are now the sacrificial lamb. He has you wrapped around his fuck boy fingers and it is going to be a long journey out.
Stage 5: “Fallin for you” by Colbie Caillat. We all know how the song goes, and this will start to become your anthem at this point in the game. You are starting to fall for this fuck boy!!! He will start to question what is going on, and maybe drop some “i really like you’s” or “let’s just see where this goes”, making you think that all is well and it is going to be smooth and steady from there on out. Newsflash: he is making you look dumber than Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah’s couch. Everyone wants to be wanted and by him saying these things you really are believing that you could in fact be the one. You convince yourself that he needs you and that you need him and that all is going to be fun and dandy in rainbow cupcake land where you have 500 babies and live happily ever after.
**Disclaimer to this stage: every situation is different, obviously. But, it is important to remember that at this point you have done nothing wrong. Maybe you are only hooking up, and not going out in public together. Maybe he is taking you to meet his family. Maybe he has even taken you to the Olive Garden a few times (which might have you thinking, damn he is taking to me get Italian food, that's pretty nice. no. it's fucking Olive Garden, no offense.) Either way, you are acting similar to a pigeon with its head cut off, so stop getting wrapped up in it.
Stage 6: Ultimate mindfuck. It has probably been a few weeks or maybe months of fucking around together. You are probably questioning if it is going to lead to something else. You can feel the tension growing and want to get behind the reason why everything is so smooth, yet he is not doing anything to take things to the next level. All of sudden, you are hit with a curveball. You can tell he might be acting a little weird and he finally hits you with “I’m not looking for a relationship right now” or the ever so classic “It’s not you, it’s me”. At this point you are completely dumbfounded and are not sure whether or not to scream with frustration, cry because you feel like an idiot, or just simply fake your own death and live on an island with 2Pac to spare your embarrassment when people say “I told you so”.
He has now wrung you out, hung you up, and left you very very dry (in more ways than one).
Maybe you love this person as your friend, and you loved what you had so you are scared to let go. But, 9/10 times a fuck boy will always be a fuck boy and that is where you need to snap the cord. Stay friends? Sure. Stay “talking/hooking up but not really sure if it will ever lead anywhere”? Hell no.
We often think that the “it’s not you, it’s me” phrase is completely cliche and an excuse for a guy to get out of something without really having to explain himself. Yeah, he might be saying that for that exact reason and that reason only. But if you really think about it, it is him, it’s not you. He is a mentally challenged horse and you are a lesser version of Beyonce, which is still pretty damn amazing.
So, in conclusion, jokes on him because you are 110% better than the average fuck boy.